But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
