I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's rum buckets o'clock
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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