And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize