I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
