You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
