were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
