guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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