That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
