It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize