i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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