maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
