about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
