I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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