Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
