Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
