Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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