Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
