Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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