dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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