Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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