Sry I called you an 8
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize