so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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