woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
