remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
