I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
