question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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