You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize