Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
