I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
