Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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