last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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