I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
