wat bout pragnant strippers??
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
