Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
