I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
