dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
