TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
