This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
