Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
