just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
