there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Congratulations! We have a period
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