I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
