just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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