I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
