Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
