i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My bed smells like the plague
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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