i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize