I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
