I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
