He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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