Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
