My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
