Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
