Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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