I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
