Princesses don't give blow jobs
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
