Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
