whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we're so committed to being not committed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
