NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
