Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
