ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
