no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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