It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
