Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
