I'm really into asian looking animals
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
