I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
