Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize