every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
