And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
