i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
