They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
this hospital has no fireball
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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