Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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