watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
