he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Randomize
