sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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