How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
