Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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