haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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