I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it glows. i had to have it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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