is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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