so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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