Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize