as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
