Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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