cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize