Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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