Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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