you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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