Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
