she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
