If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
