I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
