He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
