but the lizard people decide everything anyway
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
