I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
