so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
