then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize