everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this beer tastes like vomit already
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
