Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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