i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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