Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
