so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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