I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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