I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I could fuck to npr.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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