Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am available for nakedness
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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