So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
