Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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