I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
