If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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