it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
